i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
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The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
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Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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