Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
