dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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