I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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