I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
