**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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