people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
