so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
