Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
