How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
