My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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