Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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