We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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