So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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