I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
