Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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