They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
why is half of my head shaved?
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