Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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