You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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