Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
from now on my penis is your penis
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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