and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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