last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
