If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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