come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
