My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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