I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
