my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
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Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
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The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize