All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
