I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
