so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
