I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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