Having a random hookup so left but love u
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
