I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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