I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
