I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
