She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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