hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
