Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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