Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
