Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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