I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
