apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
