Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
