You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
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I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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