just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
