i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Your cock deserves a montage
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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