This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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