insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize