my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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