We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
