State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My bed smells like the plague
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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