I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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