And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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