party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
