Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
