I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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