I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
