Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
