Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
