I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize