paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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