This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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