I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he puts the penis in happiness.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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