im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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