We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
