FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
